First, a quick update: all my blood counts are back in normal range. That means I reached my nadir sometime within the last few weeks. My platelets, which started at 240,000, went all the way down to 82,000 before coming back up again; last week, they were at 229,000. My white blood cell count bottomed out about a week later; it dropped as low as 29 (that I know about), and last week was back up to 34. The low end of normal is 32, so we should certainly see the white blood cell count continue to recover.

Today, though, let's talk about some of my more recent adventures through the looking glass otherwise known as Non-Hodgkins Lymphoma. The physical aspects of cancer are easy to identify and handle: you go through tests and scans, find abnormalities, decide on treatments. Straightforward.

But, oddly enough, probably not the most difficult part of a cancer diagnosis. The spiritual and emotional components are perhaps even more devastating, especially because we have a hard time recognizing them and figuring out how to treat them. After all, when you have cancerous cells, you may decide on a treatment--chemotherapy, say--and pursue that treatment. Unfortunately, there's no chemotherapy for your emotions, nothing to attack and eradicate negative thoughts.

Most people who know me will tell you I tend to be a bit of a Pollyanna about everything in life. Let's say I get into a minor fender bender. My immediate reaction? "Hey, no big whoop; we'll deal with it." Or maybe someone breaks into my home and steals my beloved collection of "Big Boy" collectibles. "Hey, no big whoop; we'll deal with it." Nuclear explosion wipes out half the United States? "Hey, no big whoop; we'll deal with it."

You get the general idea.

So, when I received a cancer diagnosis back in May, I generally no-big-whooped the whole thing. That's the way I cope. I tell myself I'm going to find a solution, and I comfort myself with that thought.

But telling myself something and actually being able to do it are two different things. Now, perhaps I'll be sharing too much with this entry, but I think it's important to talk about this aspect of treatment--because I don't often see it discussed elsewhere.

A few weeks ago, my Lovely Daughter, who is nine, began seeing a counselor at school. My immediate worry was that she was going to be talking about me all the time: my dad has cancer, I'm worried about him, and so on. Thankfully, that hasn't been the case. I had a meeting with the counselor last week, and she said my Lovely Daughter is worried about the normal things most nine-year-olds worry about: friends, school, and what-not. That's great. However, the counselor did note my Lovely Daughter said "Dad's been a lot grumpier than usual." Hold that thought for a moment.

Also last week, I sat down to talk with my Lovely Wife. We get to sit and have good heart-to-hearts pretty much every week, and share what's happening. During this particular session, she said she felt I was moodier and more depressed.

My first reaction, which my wife actually said before I could, was obvious. Well, hello? I have cancer. On the putting-me-in-a-happy-state scale, it certainly doesn't rank up there with ice cream. And again, my wife acknowledged that even before I did. But still, she felt it was important enough to talk about with me.

Now, I tend to be someone who has cyclical moods. I admit that. I'm prone to cyclical funks every few months or so, wherein I feel somewhat morose for no real reason. I've always recognized that in myself, and done my best to roll with it. It's not been a huge impact on my life. And to tell the truth, I thought I've been dealing pretty well with the whole cancer thing. But the fact is, both my wife and my daughter commented on it. That's not something I can discount. Just because I think I'm dealing with the situation doesn't mean I am. I trust the opinions and perceptions of the two people closest to me, so if they feel I'm having trouble, perhaps I need to listen.

So, at my most recent appointment with my doctor, I bring up this subject. He asks me a series of questions, and I have to answer "yes" to just about every one of them. The kicker? "Do you have trouble sitting still? Are you constantly fidgeting?" Well, yes. I've always been like that to an extent. My doctor says that can be a symptom of low dopamine levels in the brain. Who knew?

In any case, he suggests I try a mild antidepressant for several weeks to see if it makes a difference in my overall well-being. He gives me a prescription for Lexapro. Actually, it ends up being the generic equivalent of Lexapro, which is known as escitalopram.

I should say this is a big step for me. I'm not a medicating kind of guy; in the average year, I'll take maybe two aspirin and a couple of cold tablets. So, to take a prescription for something as nebulous as depression, well...it's enough to depress a guy.

My reservations aren't helped at all when I pick up the drug at the pharmacy. The pharmacist tells me some people experience constipation...but others experience loose stools. Well, there's something to look forward to. Other side effects may include nausea, sleeplessness, and...um, certain sexual side effects. Also, the first warning on the label tells me the drug MAY INCREASE SUICIDAL TENDENCIES IN SOME PEOPLE, ESPECIALLY YOUNGER PATIENTS.

Hey, with all that going for it, no wonder it's so effective treating depression.

I also see the drug is not only used to treat depression, but also general anxiety disorder, obsessive compulsive disorder, social anxiety disorder, and bulimia. So I guess at my next cocktail party, I won't arrange every hors d'oeuvres alphabetically, count the number of pretzels in the large bowl, gorge myself on Li'l Smokies sausages, retreat to a dark corner, and vomit inconspicuously into the trash can I happen to be clutching for comfort.

That was kind of embarrassing the last time it happened.

So, I've now been taking it for about ten days, and you know what? I think it's making a difference. I feel a bit more chipper, a bit more happy with life in general. That may just be the placebo effect, and me looking for something because I'm taking a medication, but there it is. There's only one way to find out if it's really working.

I'll ask my Lovely Wife and Lovely Daughter, then let you know their verdicts.