Shocking as it may seem, actress Kirsten Dunst was once a virgin. The Irish Examiner broke this amazing story a few weeks ago; since then, the mind-boggling revelation has made the wire services to be picked up by newspapers all over the world.

Imagine. Kirsten Dunst, once a virgin.

Not to get those wire services spinning again or anything, but I'll let you in on a little secret I haven't shared with anyone: I was once a virgin myself.

Ah, it warms the hackles o' me heart to see the candidates for our great state's governor framing their debate on important, substantive issues.

Case in point: where should you buy your car?

Scary thought #1: Brian Schweitzer making a rookie move by actually buying his vehicle out of state. When you're running for gov, Mr. Schweitzer, you buy everything in state; you do whatever it takes to make sure you're not handing ammo to your opponent and saying, "Here you go--shoot me." Something tells me Mr. Schweitzer will invite his opponent to shoot him many times during this campaign.

Scary thought #2: The Bob Brown/Dave Lewis team riding Mr. Schweitzer's bone-head move for all it's worth and more. As the article in the "Billings Gazette" says:

(Bob) Brown's running mate, Dave Lewis, restaged a two-week-old photo opportunity at Chevrolet of Helena as he stood by 2004 green Chevy pickup that he said he bought there recently. "Brian has been talking about building businesses," Lewis said. "I just didn't know he was talking about businesses in Idaho."

Lewis said he's proud to buy locally, adding: "As a candidate for lieutenant governor, I know I can't sell Montana and Montana products if I sell out by spending my money out of state."

Can you say "publicity slut"? It sounds like the Brown/Lewis camp has already squeezed 500 miles out of a 50-mile opportunity with this one.

At the very least, we've picked up a few pointers on car buying. And Ralph Nader isn't even in the race.

I'd like to know where you got the notion / To spend your whole vacation out on the ocean

It was the first night of my first cruise, and I was sitting in a Vegas-style theater watching eight sequined performers belt out these lyrics to the tune of "Rock the Boat," that inimitable 70s anthem by the Hues Corporation. (Yes, I knew who sang "Rock the Boat" without googling it. Yes, it scares me, too.) I, myself, was wondering where I got that notion. After all, I'm not a cruise kinda guy; I'm still several decades away from my seventies, and I don't find shuffleboard all that interesting.

Still, because the cruise was a thoughtful gift from my inlaws, I was more than willing to give it a shot. And eight days days later, after traveling some 2,800 nautical miles on Holland America's m.s. Amsterdam to Alaska and back, I have to begrudgingly say: I liked it. I really, really liked it. (And yes, this thought also scares me.) The sights in the ports were wonderful (Glacier Bay, Juneau, Sitka, Ketchikan, Victoria, B.C.), as expected. But my time aboard the good ship Amsterdam was rather fun, as well.

Primarily, I ate--an easy thing to do, since food is seemingly available 24 hours a day. I also read--"Song of Susannah," Stephen King's latest Dark Tower entry (a big thumbs up), and "Still Life With Crows" by Douglas Preston and Lincoln Child (also enjoyable, but not as fun as "Relic" or "Reliquary"). I swam in a pool under a glass retractible dome, although I only swam about 1/100 of the time my charming young daughter did. And, undeterred by the first night's crude butchering of "Rock the Boat" (if such a thing is possible), I attended some enjoyable nightly shows, including a great magic show by Greg Frewin.

Did I mention I ate a lot?

Not that there weren't drawbacks. Every waking moment aboard the ship, they're pushing you to buy--buy drinks! buy duty-free diamonds! buy works of art!--and it certainly doesn't stop when you get off the ship. Every port has diamond stores, furriers, souvenir stores, and so on, all of them obviously owned and operated by the cruise lines. The ship even has a "Shopping Steward," a guy who ostensibly will tell you the best places to shop.

So, yes, the whole experience might be a bit too artificially manufactured, if you let it be so. But it doesn't have to be. In Juneau, for instance, we walked a few blocks past all the junk shops pushed by the cruise lines, and found a funky little bagel and sandwich place where we had lunch.

All in all, though, I really had no complaints. A cruise, I found, truly was a vacation that lets you get away from the real world for a few days, and that's worth more than a few jewelry shops. And, thanks to the generosity of my in-laws, I discovered a vacation option I probably would never have explored myself.

Maybe I've got a notion to spend another vacation out on the ocean.

In this topsy-turvy, constantly changing world, mountains may crumble and fall into the seas. Regimes may fall, creating panic and discord. Volcanoes may erupt, covering vast regions of the planet in ash.

But lest we set ourselves adrift in this chaos, it's also nice to know we have a few things that will be constant anchors. Case in point: here in Billings, whenever we have any measurable precipitation, we can count on the Gazette to run a story telling us the drought isn't over.