The world around us is filled with thought-provoking mysteries to ponder. Was the universe created by a self-existent God, or is the universe itself actually eternal and self-existent? Does absolute morality, by definition, require an independent standard of measurement, or can it exist without the need for outside absolutes? And: who in the hell is hrie@yahoo.com?

Important questions, all. I've contemplated them, and I certainly have some thoughts and opinions. But of recent, there is a singular mystery more important than any of these, a question my mind has been returning to again and again for several months: How can we explain the popularity of Celine Dion?

Let's consider her body of work. Her hits have included Where Does My Heart Beat Now?, The Colour of My Love, It's All Coming Back to Me Now, and My Heart Will Go On. If anyone--anyone--over the age of 13 bought any of these songs, they should be taken outside and summarily shot. Why? Well, why the hell not? Would you miss anyone who enjoys lyrics such as "I'll be your cloud up in the sky / I'll be your shoulder when you cry / I'll hear your voices when you call me / I am your Angel"? I hope not, because if you would miss such a person, you should be taken outside and shot, as well.

Still, as wretchedly awkward and maudlin as most (okay: all) of her songs are, her performances are even worse. What's with the watch-me-pound-my-fist-against-my-chest move she does? What's with doing it numerous times during each performance? Has no one ever taken her aside and said, "Enough with the chest pounding--you look like you're having an epileptic seizure"?

Then, the Celine Dion perfume. And the Chrysler endorsement. And, good gravy, the whole Vegas thing. Her own $95 million theater? Sellout shows? Celine Dion? Celine frickin' Dion?

Unfortunately, my heart won't go on. Cut out my eyes. I've seen everything.

Well, it's all over but the crying, and now it's time to cast our gaze into the mirror and behold what we hath wrought. I'll start with an admission: I was wrong. I thought the Cobb Field/Heights Pool issue would pass, but it failed (albeit by a somewhat slim margin). I suppose I should feel happy about that, in light of my recent rant, but I really don't. It only proves Billings voters prefer to put their money where their back pockets are: they won't support the library, the schools, or the arts (in my previous post, I forgot the arts measure that failed last year), and now we can add baseball and swimming to the list. If someone miraculously developed a plan that would demonstrably end all worldwide war, famine and suffering for just $2 per year, I have to think Billings voters would reject it as too costly.

Statewide, the big news has to be the race for Governor. It's Brown vs. Schweitzer in a Battle Royale, folks. Bob Brown seems a nice enough sort: humble, well-spoken, even a bit humorous. But he looks more like a huggable family patriarch than a governor; every time I see him speaking, I keep expecting him to start handing out samples of Grandpa's wonderful butter candy.

Schweitzer, on the other hand, would do P.T. Barnum proud: the man knows how to put on a show. He's a passionate speaker with a great presence, a willingness to buck the system, and a flair for dramatics (hey, this is the Democrat who picked John Bohlinger, a middle-of-the-road Republican, as his running mate). Still, Schweitzer reminds me a bit too much of Greg Stillson, the presidential candidate from Stephen King's "The Dead Zone." Behind that aw-shucks-I'm-jes-a-farmer-from-Whitefish schtick, you just know he's nuttier than a Snickers, and would probably blow up the world if given the chance.

Let the gamesmanship begin.

Some time ago, I posted the email I sent to the makers of Axe Anti-Perspirant, congratulating them on having the courage to portray their users as hairy torsos lacking heads, arms or genitalia. To date, Axe has yet to answer my email.

However, Axe's edgy ad strategy seems to be paying off. Several people have wandered to my site, thanks to links from Ad Rag and Nerve.com; one person, jo-anne, has been kind enough to point out that "Pitman" (as I've since found out he's called) is actually a hairy armpit lacking a head, arms and genitalia, rather than a hairy torso. Thanks, jo-anne; that key bit of information certainly casts the ad in question in a whole new light, does it not?

Best of all, those trailblazers at Axe know when they've got a good thing going: they've officially launched a "Pitman" portion of their web site, complete with a contest that gives you the chance to "help Pitman manage his lady friends."

Genius. Pure genius.

Okay, so tomorrow's the big day for the primary election, along with a bond issue here in Billings.

May I take just a moment to vent about said bond issue? Last year, we had a measure for a (desperately needed) new city library. Despite the fact that our current library was built out of straw by the first little pig sometime in the 7th century, voters soundly rejected the measure, many of them saying "the library can be fixed."

Earlier this year, we had a proposed levy for a new high school, as well as repairs/updates to other schools--at $99 million, a hefty price tag, to be sure. However, when my wife went to a meeting at one of the schools in question, and found out one of the bathrooms had been converted into an office because of limited space, that cinched it for me. In case you missed that, let me say it again: someone was forced to use a bathroom for an office. Again, voters soundly rejected this proposal.

Next up: a levy to support better technology in our schools. Again, a no-go from local voters.

Now, we have a measure asking money for a new baseball field and swimming pool. And the hell of it is, I think this measure is going to pass. What kind of crazy, mixed-up world am I living in when the library and schools get their butts handed to them on a platter, but baseball stadiums and swimming pools sail through as "essential community services"?

I'm not against a new stadium. I'm not against the Heights having its own pool. What I am against is misplaced priorities. I rarely vote "no" on local ballot measures, being the kind of person who feels like an extra $20 per month is a good investment in my community. But I have to tell you: out of a sense of decency, and frankly, frustration, I'm going to vote against the measure for the pool and the park. And that's sad, because I won't be voting based on the merits of the proposal. I'll be voting "no" because I can't, in good conscience, go with the idiocy of public opinion that says baseball (my favorite sport, by the way) is more important than books and education.

I just hope I'm proven wrong tomorrow.

No, I haven't been blogging much lately. But that doesn't mean I've been in a vegetative state--well, no more of a vegetative state than usual.

What I've been doing (not that you asked) is working on a draft of my second novel: I promised myself that most of my available writing time would be devoted to the novel, instead of other writing pursuits such as ye olde blog. And, I'm happy to say, I've made steady progress; I passed 60k words this morning, with roughly 20k more to go. If I can keep going at my current clip, I might have a first draft done in two weeks.

So, now that I've kept my promise to myself, it's back to the blissful tomfoolery of blogging again.

So, what's happened in the last month? Did I miss anything?