This morning, I discovered a new promotion offered by a local radio station and jeweler. To win free jewelry, all you have to do is fill in the blanks:

"A day without a Goldsmith Gallery Diamond is like a (BLANK) without a (BLANK)."

I've never been one who passes up an opportunity to idle away precious time on the trivial and mundane, so I've quickly come up with a few entries and e-mailed them to the fine folks at Bee 104.

• A day without a Goldsmith Gallery Diamond is like a NIGHT OF PASSIONATE LOVEMAKING WITH A HAITIAN INTRAVENOUS DRUG USER without a CONDOM.
  
• A day without a Goldsmith Gallery Diamond is like a CUP OF WENDY'S CHILI without a FINGER.
  
• A day without a Goldsmith Gallery Diamond is like a ST. PATRICK'S DAY IN BUTTE, MONTANA without a CHICK FIGHT.
  
• A day without a Goldsmith Gallery Diamond is like a BLOG without a COMMENT FEATURE.
  
• A day without a Goldsmith Gallery Diamond is like a SENTENCE SPOKEN BY AN AVERAGE AMERICAN TEENAGER without a SINGLE USE OF THE WORD "LIKE."
  
• A day without a Goldsmith Gallery Diamond is like a UNITED STATES ELECTION without a LARGE BLOCK OF VOTERS WHO HAVE BEEN "INTIMIDATED" OR "DISENFRANCHISED."
  
• A day without a Goldsmith Gallery Diamond is like a CELINE DION SONG without an ACCOMPANYING URGE TO GOUGE OUT MY EARDRUMS.
  

So far, the folks at Bee 104 haven't informed me what I've won. But I'm sure that's just an oversight at the moment. Have you any entries you'd care to share?

(POSTSCRIPT: Be sure to visit Goatopolis for this week's edition of the Rascal Fair.)