Awards in Advertising Categories

’Ä¢ The "Let's Spend a Lot of Money on Production and Maybe No One Will Notice We've built an Expensive Ad around a Lame Joke" Award: Federal Express for "Alien Shipping." And by the way, Federal Express: we did notice.

’Ä¢ The "Best Ad Matched to Product's Intended Use" Award: Charmin Toilet Tissue's "Bear in the Game." It was absolute crap.

’Ä¢ The "Worst Use of Freudian Sexual Innuendo to Sell a Product" Award: "Mike Ditka's Levitra Challenge," in which Ditka sings the praises of an impotence drug while a football arcs through the hole of a tire again and again and again. Yeah, a football going through a tire. Get it? Get it?

’Ä¢ The "Trying Way Too Hard to be Likeable in a Desperate John Kerry Way" Award: A tie between "Soap in the Mouth" for Chevy Trucks, "Fight to the Death?" for Lay's, and pretty much anything for Pepsi and/or Sierra Mist.

’Ä¢ The "Why in the Hell are We Sitting in Bathtubs Watching the Sun Rise, and What Does it Have to Do With our Product?" Award: Cialis, also for male impotence.

Awards in Half Time Show Categories

’Ä¢ The "Best Argument for Allowing the American Flag to be Burned" Award: Kid Rock's stars-n-stripes ensemble.

’Ä¢ The "Celebrity Whose Singing Style Most Resembles an Orchestra Conductor on Meth" Award: P Diddy/Puff Daddy/Jigglypuff

’Ä¢ The "Best Reason to Drop to Knees and Thank God This Very Second" Award: Jessica Simpson was only allowed to utter six words: "Houston, are you ready to party?"

’Ä¢ The "Most Surprising Celebrity Appearance" Award: Janet Jackson's right breast.